Worried About a Loved One
Watching Someone You Care About Struggle
If you are concerned about a loved one's substance use, you may have noticed that they seem oblivious to the impact their behaviour is having on themselves and the people around them.
At other times, they may seem fully aware of the damage being caused, yet continue the behaviour anyway.
For many families, it feels like a confusing and exhausting mix of both.
One week they seem committed to making changes. The next week they are back in the same self-destructive patterns. They may acknowledge there is a problem, only to return to their chosen substance days or weeks later.
Why Can't They See What's Happening?
One of the most difficult things for family members to understand is why the person cannot seem to recognise what is so obvious to everyone else.
The reality is that denial is often part of the illness of addiction.
To successfully treat addiction, this element needs to be acknowledged and prepared for in advance.
This is often extremely difficult for the individual to do on their own, which is one of the reasons addiction is sometimes referred to as an illness of isolation.
People struggling with addiction often become trapped inside their own thinking. They may minimise the consequences, convince themselves things are improving, or genuinely believe they have things under control despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
Engagement with a therapist can help provide valuable insight into these patterns, as well as offer tried and tested methods for sustainably reducing or quitting a substance or behaviour.
Am I Enabling Them?
Another concern many loved ones have is whether they are enabling the addiction.
They may be helping financially, providing accommodation, covering up consequences, rescuing the person from difficult situations, or even assisting them in obtaining their chosen substance.
Often this comes from a place of love, concern, and a genuine desire to help.
At the same time, many people feel increasingly conflicted. They worry that continuing to help may be allowing the addiction to continue feel guilty about stopping.
The best way to understand this is to think of addiction as a disease that is somewhat contagious. It tends to affect not only the person struggling with addiction but also the people closest to them.
Enabling is a part of this process.
You Don't Have to Manage Addiction Alone
Quite often, loved ones of people with addictions need their own support.
Many benefit from therapy, support groups, and guidance around how to respond to requests for money, accommodation, or other forms of assistance.
Some are terrified that if they stop helping, their loved one may end up homeless or worse. Others feel trapped between wanting to protect the person and wanting the behaviour to stop.
These are not easy situations to navigate.
Just like addiction itself, these problems are often impossible to solve alone. Support from a therapist and/or support group can provide practical guidance, emotional support, and help you make decisions that are in the best interests of both yourself and your loved one.